I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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