I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize