she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How naked do you want me to be?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
