just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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