I think i peed on brittanys purse
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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