I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
