Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize