i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
