when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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