haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
