Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
