we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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