I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
