I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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