If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
