so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
