she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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