she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize