That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
