were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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