and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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