yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
