Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
