I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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