how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
