I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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