I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
