I think im going to throw up on grandma
please come you make the beer taste better
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
