Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
