if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
