Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My hand turned me down
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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