If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
