I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love having hate sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
