who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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