Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
