It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
