I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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