I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize