genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
