Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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