he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
