I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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