so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
