Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
