good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize