I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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