Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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