I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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