Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
