Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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