you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
