he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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