You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
