How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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