I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
did you just send me my own nude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
