Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
