There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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