her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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