why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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