one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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