you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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