What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
